Bad People – how many people are bad, really?
My dad was a deeply introspective person but felt unfairly treated in life and used to say to me
‘80% of people are no good.’
He was an engineer in the UK from the 50s onwards and read Khalil Gibran amongst other text to try and uplift himself, so I like to think of him as a progressive.
He was certainly a different thinker, even if he was bound by his patriarchal upbringing.
He had a very tough childhood and not much in the way of regular parenting, by his account.
He had been a menopause baby in an age and culture where this was considered rather shocking.
His mother struggled to parent him for a number of different reasons.
Fortunately, his aunt (his mother’s sister), lived next door and made sure he got a hot meal and a bath once a week at least.
My dad used to talk about ‘Cuckoo children’. It made him angry to see people have children and then make no attempt to parent them, often foisting them off on other family members.
He was speaking from his own experience there, of course.
Are the majority of people really all ‘bad people’?
I believe there are good ideas and bad ideas in the world, and if we run them through the brain, body (and Soul) we can change our nature.
Then there are some people who are truly bad to the bone in the world, and others who are partially traumatized or damaged.
In truth, there are few people in the world who live their lives totally free from trauma and difficulty, and sometimes a person’s response to their experiences can result in bad behavior.
This is not true for really ‘bad people’ however. Who are the really bad people?
Does this really make damaged people ‘bad people, though?
After much reading and research to date, I believe there are people in the world who are
- Psychopathic – born that way in this incarnation, possibly through other incarnations also.
- Sociopathic – nurtured that way – gleaned from what I’ve read in current psychological studies and possibly even bound in place that way through generational energy and epigenetics.
- Narcissistic – wounded that way. People who receive an essential wound of abandonment from a parent, where they are expected to be the parent, or show the parent how wonderful they are and are not taught how to create a sense of self. Sometimes (but not always), this results in their own essential Narcissistic wound, which is then passed on to the next generation, and so on.
The above issues can become combined and create multiple different combinations of nastiness.
Any of the above conditions are considered to be personality disorders from a modern psychological perspective
Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD
Some people contain some aspects or parts of one of the above disorders which don’t necessarily manifest in obvious destructive behaviors towards others — some conditions like this are known as Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD for short.
This can result in a person being persistently difficult to relate to, sometimes actively nasty, but often quite pleasant.
If you are an acquaintance or a friend of a person with BPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, to you they may well be the nicest person on the block, unfortunately, it’s one of the aspects of these disorders.
To one or more family members or friends in a close circle, a person with a Personality Disorder may show their true colors and be anything from an energy drain to a highly verbally or physically abusive partner.
Yet no-one else may never know, which can be crazy-making for that close friend or family member.
So how can we know who are the bad people, really?
Sometimes Borderline Personality Disordered people, especially Narcissistic types, can hide their difficult personalities initially from a relationship with a new person.
This is primarily because — let’s face it — if they showed their full personality during the dating or new friend phase, they may not get past that stage in the friendship!
Learning new intuitive tools will help an empathic or intuitive sensitive type like yourself learn to detect these types as you move through your life.
You can start with this simple checklist.
- Does the person like to talk about themselves a lot?
- Do you get ‘love-bombed’ by an almost excessive charm and attention paid to you? (People are usually excessively charming for a reason).
- Does the person have a checklist of people who annoy them or who have ‘done them wrong’?
- Are you sensing red flags but doing your best to ignore them because you like the pretty picture?
- Are you totally obsessed with the person since you have met them or been friends?
All of these are signs that your chi or Personal Energy is been invaded in somewhat unhealthy ways.
Simply draw back from the person and take a lot more time to get to know them, learn more about their family, friends and history from other people, not from them, then you can be surer moving forward.
What about the really ‘bad people’ – the Psychopaths, Sociopaths or full-blown Grandiose Narcissists?
In modern psychiatric practice, it’s becoming known that all three types of extreme personality disordered people have different brain structures than the rest of us.
The Psychopathic brain when scanned can often show evidence of reduced connections between the prefrontal cortex (where sentiments such as empathy and guilt are generated) and the amygdala (which mediates fear and anxiety). Again – born that way.
The Sociopathic brain is can often be more neurotypical, so a brain scan wouldn’t discover the same pattern as for the Psychopath.
The difference between the two is that the neurons connected to the parts of the brain that make a sociopath vulnerable and able to truly feel empathy are burned away.
This can be due to a traumatic experience or series of experiences, and these neurons never reconnect, so you could say their ’empathy circuit’ is burned out. Again – nurtured that way.
Finally, the Narcissistic brain can be recognized in a brain scan because there are structural abnormalities in the part of the brain that has been linked to empathy. Again – wounded that way.
What’s the difference between a Narcissist and the other two categories?
In my experience, the Narcissist has more cognitive skills than the other two types when it comes to relating to people and reading people, especially through observational learning and eye contact to ‘know’ what your emotions might be and to copy them exactly.Narcissists can learn behaviors very easily and act them out very convincingly, so that, even to those close to them, they are the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing.Click To Tweet
Narcissists need you.
They need your attention, your energy and often your adulation. You are their ‘supply’, therefore there is more motivation to reel you in and keep you close.
The other two types will manipulate you and enjoy controlling you, but they don’t need you in the same way as the Narcissist does.
It’s as creepy as it sounds once you know what you are looking for.
All three have something in common – how their autonomic nervous system works
The autonomic nervous system is the nervous system that includes our fight or flight factors, the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems.
In the case of Psychopaths, Sociopaths, and Narcissists, they don’t feel fear and anxiety in the same ways that we do.
A good example of this, as Dr Ramani Durvasula says, (author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist) is to imagine yourself being pulled over by the police when you are driving.
Your heart rate is up, your hands might be sweaty, and your mind will be racing about what could possibly have gone wrong. You are definitely flustered.
A psychopath, sociopath or narcissist will be angry, for sure, will be annoyed, but they won’t be upset and stressed in the same way as you are.
It’s a much more measured response and if you develop your observational skills, you will notice it over time.
Empathic Intuitives need to learn more about bad people
As empathic, aware Souls on our planet, I do believe it’s one of our roles to learn to identify more fully how we function in the world and to identify those who function very differently from us.The world is not all 'Narcissists vs Empaths', yet part of our awakening as intuitive empaths is to understand ourselves better and to identify those who drain energy from others, rather than choosing to evolve in their own lives.Click To Tweet
As intuitive empaths, it’s time to stop being nice and giving by default, and it’s time to learn how to be discerning of others and their motivations.
I like to think I am my father’s daughter.