What Does Projecting Energy Mean?

Projecting energy, or an energetic projection, happens when we project what we know, believe, or feel from our own internal reality onto someone else, without first checking if our assumptions are true.

It’s a common human habit, and depending on how it shows up, it can range from harmless to deeply damaging.

Projecting Energy: What We Think We Know

In its mildest form, energetic projection looks something like this:

“I cooked you the parmesan chicken dish because you told me your mom made it for you when you were little.”

Only to find out, after some conversation, that the person actually hates Parmesan Chicken; precisely because it reminds them of those childhood dinners.

Oops.

Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, just a wasted dinner and maybe a few hurt feelings. But it’s still a good reminder that even small assumptions can miss the mark. Ideally, the cook learns the lesson and asks first next time.

Projecting Energy – When What We Love Becomes ‘Ours’

Another common form of energetic projection shows up in fan adoration.

In today’s world, we can “get to know” public figures through countless channels, movies, interviews, social media, concerts, books, and more. Over time, a fan begins to build an inner relationship with that celebrity, forming a picture of who they think that person is.

They might even fall in love with this image, not with the real person, but with their own projection.

Usually, no harm is done. Public figures often rely on this dynamic; fan projections help sustain their careers. But trouble starts when the famous person begins to believe in those projections too, when the image replaces the authentic self. (Think of a few Hollywood stories that went sideways here.)

And sometimes, if a fan’s attachment becomes obsessive, the projection takes on a life of its own, spiraling into stalking or fixation. For most people, though, these projections fade naturally as a person matures and comes back into balance.

Projecting Energy as a Form of Control

When energetic projection turns dark, it often becomes a tool for control — especially in abusive relationships or wounded family systems.

A parent or partner, shaped by their own unhealed past, may project a fantasy of the “perfect” child or “ideal” partner onto someone else. The person being projected upon then becomes trapped inside that fantasy, pressured to live up to an image that isn’t their own.

Projecting Energy as a Controlling Partner

In an abusive relationship, one partner might insist that the other behave or even become the person that matches their inner picture of “perfection.”

Language becomes a weapon, a way to hold that picture in place and erase the real person underneath.

Over time, the partner being controlled may lose sight of who they are, molded by years of subtle or overt conditioning.

Then, one day, they wake up from the spell and realize:

“I have never really been seen for who I am.”

That moment of awakening can be painful, but it’s also the beginning of freedom.

Projecting Energy and Parenting

Parents can fall into this same pattern when they project their unfulfilled dreams onto their children.

They might see the child as the “perfect version” of themselves, the one who will finally do what they couldn’t, live how they wished, or succeed where they failed.

It’s understandable, even loving in intent, but it robs the child of their sovereignty.

Enter My Oldest Daughter

The other week, while driving (where our best conversations always seem to happen), my 12-year-old said something that stopped me in my tracks.

“Mom – I like hearing stories of your childhood…but you need to realize that they are not about me. You are projecting what didn’t happen for you onto me – and it’s nothing to do with me, really. You need to step back and let me have my life.”. My oldest daughter is 12.

Wow.

I sat there, amazed. I’ve always known she’s an Indigo soul and wise beyond her years, but this moment sealed it. I’ve taught her about energy for years, and now she was reflecting that understanding right back to me.

And she’s right. It is her life. My role now is to step back, watch her unfold, and let her have her own experience, not the one I once wished for myself.

In doing so, I’m also breaking a generational pattern, one that ran strong between my mother and me, too.

Mission accomplished.