How Family Pathology Begins: Peace from Broken Pieces

What is family pathology, and how can we begin to clear its effects from our family line?

A Review of Iyanla Vanzant’s Book Peace From Broken Pieces

I read Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant over the Christmas season. It’s a deep dive into family pathology. The messages in the book have stayed with me long after I finished reading it.

Vanzant begins by sharing the story of her childhood and then moves into her adult life. She shows, with stark honesty, how being treated as unworthy—and being sexually abused—shaped her sense of self. She also reveals how the wounds she carried eventually affected her children as well.

If your own family patterns have been difficult, or if you’re still learning how to sit with your “broken pieces,” this book offers deep insight. It isn’t an easy read, but it is a meaningful one.

Iyanla uses her family history to illuminate something many of us experience but rarely name: family pathology.

Available on Amazon: Peace From Broken Pieces

An Understanding of Family Pathology

Family pathology can be understood as harmful or confusing behavior that a child experiences, which then gets handed down through generations—sometimes silently, sometimes loudly.

Here are three common examples:

1. “Do what I say, not what I do.”

A parent insists that lying is unacceptable, yet lies regularly themselves. The child perceives the mismatch between words and actions and absorbs the contradiction. This inconsistency becomes a form of lying in itself.

2. “If it was good enough for my parents, it’s good enough for you.”

Repeating abusive behavior because it was “tradition.”

For example, a parent might punish a child using the exact method their own parent used—believing repetition equals discipline.

3. Unconscious triggers that cause harm

A parent gets overwhelmed, screams or lashes out, then moves on as if nothing happened.

The child not only absorbs the distress of the outburst but also learns:

This is normal. This is what humans do.

Given that frame, many of us can easily list patterns from our own families—or observe them in other family systems.

We can identify family pathology, but how does it start?

Resource Review Page: It Didn’t Start With You – Mark Wolynn

Children Will Mirror Our Unconscious Family Pathology

It’s uncomfortable but true: children mirror us. They reflect what’s actually happening, not what we wish were happening.

In my own family, one recurring pattern was having a strong emotional reaction—but never talking about it.

Iyanla refers to this dynamic in one of her teaching videos:

“There’s an alligator chewing the leg off the living room table, but everyone chooses to ignore it and talk about the weather.”

The child sees the “alligator.”
The child feels the tension or truth in their body.
But if the child names it, they may be silenced or sent away.

Growing up, if I pointed out the “elephant in the room,” I was told to leave and deal with the experience on my own.

It was a powerful way to shape me into an observer instead of a participant. Why speak up if speaking up leads to punishment?

Sometimes families have reasons—fear, overwhelm, cultural norms—but when no explanation is offered, the child is left isolated and confused.

And that confusion becomes one of their broken pieces.

The Akashic Records and Ancestral Patterns

In my recent Akashic Records training, I noticed a strong resonance between what we call “ancestral patterns” and what Iyanla describes as family pathology.

In the Records, an ancestral pattern is simply a behavioral pattern that can be clearly named.

Here are three examples:

• Self-sabotage: overeating, addiction, or self-limiting cycles.
• Self-doubt: a persistent inability to trust one’s own power or knowing.
• Controlling behavior: using dominance to feel bigger, even temporarily, while others are diminished.

Through this lens, with a little self-awareness, most of us can identify ancestral patterns of family pathology not only in our own lineage but also in the families around us.

Akashic Reading Support: Life Lessons Reading

Family Pathology Can Reinforce Ancestral Patterns

Iyanla uses powerful therapeutic and energetic tools in her work—watch just one episode of Fix My Life, and you’ll see the depth she brings.

Within the Akashic Records, when someone brings a family issue, ancestral patterns are nearly always part of the story—and sometimes past lives as well.

During a reading, a client might ask:

• “Why did my father always ___________?”
• “What was my mother thinking when she ___________?”

The Records often reveal the deeper origins of the pattern—where it began, why it manifested, and how long it has been present (in this life or another).

As the energy is described and illuminated, clients often feel their relationship with the issue change. Insight shifts the internal landscape.

Learn More About The Akashic Records Readings I Offer

One way to begin to understand your ancestral patterns more deeply is through your Akashic Records. This expands the connection to your Soul through your Higher Self (also known as your intuition).

If you are interested in an Akashic Records Reading, I always recommend starting with the Soul Star Reading.

This reading gives you 3 different immersive experiences of the Akashic Records: –

1. Connecting with your Divine Soul Blueprint (Soul-level gifts, talents, abilities).
2. Hearing about a Past Life that contains a karmic pattern ready for clearing (you’ll recognize this pattern in your present life).
3. Recognizing and clearing present life blocks and restrictions.

If you’d like to know about the different readings I offer on this site, start here>>

Download the PDF Akashic Records for Beginners

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