Wicked Wednesday – Discount Others Emotions Once, Discounting Others Emotions Twice: Why We Shouldn’t Discount Others Emotions Thrice
It’s Wicked Wednesday!
Introducing a new blog theme where I discuss all the things we wish we didn’t do, shouldn’t do (but may have done anyway) on the Spiritual Journey…and offer some tools for the road. Nobody ever said the Spiritual Journey was easy.
Have you ever controlled someone else’s feelings or invaded their Personal Energy with your verbal attacks?
You might be asking yourself how that is possible – yet in my experience it is. Most adults are guilty of this wicked act with or without awareness at some point in their lives.
Here are two examples. Example 1 is applicable to partners or friends, the boss, colleagues, you name it…
“You seem like you’re upset?”
“I’m not upset. I’m just confused by what you said.”
“You sure do seem upset…seems like you’re upset to me…why don’t you tell me why you’re upset?”
“Really…I don’t know…maybe I was…”
Example 1 is an example of denying and discounting.
With, or without awareness, the first speaker is defining the second speakers reality. E.g. ‘You’re upset’.
With enough repetition and use of forceful energy, the second speaker begins to doubt their own assessment of their feelings and emotions, denies their own reality, and agrees with the first speaker
One of reasons that this can happen is that “language sends our brains in a direction“. Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP™. (Neuro-linguistic programming).
At the simplest level, our brains have to process the words other people give us in order to understand them. Whilst they are being processed our brains have to find ways to understand the words, using visualization, feelings and emotions.
Here’s Richard Bandler’s famous test to give you an idea. “Don’t think of a blue elephant”. Hmmnnn.
Tell me, dear reader, of what do you think? 😉 There may be some of you that found that difficult, and will tell me “I didn’t think of anything at all!”. Perfectly normal, you’re a polarity responder, and we’ll discuss that another time.
So in Example 1, the first speaker is confusing the second speaker by sending their brain in a direction, with or without awareness
If people do this with awareness and repeat the behavior over time to intentionally confuse a person and put them off balance, this is verbal abuse because there is a definite intention behind the unusual use of language.
In fully functional relationships, at some point the first speaker would ‘wake up’ and realize their mistake. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to make you think that way/feel that way”.
If they won’t wake up, or deny that they were trying to define your feelings, listen to them more carefully in the future and keep your balance!
Example two is between a parent or carer and child
“Johnny stop the angry act and clean up your room”.
“I said stop being so angry and resistant and clean up your room!”.
“But mom I’m not angry I’m frustrated about…”
(Yelling). “Johnny! Don’t you tell me what you’re not! I told you to stop the angry act and clean up your room NOW!”
“Whatever”. Johnny angrily starts cleaning up his room…
We’ve all been there. You’re a parent, there’s only so much time in the day and Johnny hasn’t friggin’ cleaned up his room again. Aaarrrrgggh!
So, you may already be angry and frustrated when you make the request. I know I am sometimes.
In Example 2, the parent is defining the child’s reality by telling them how they feel. Ouch.
Sometimes we can even be unconsciously doing this to avoid our own discomfort…there may be underlying reasons for our anger, most of which have nothing to with Johnny’s room. Still, he’s going to become a target anyway because it’ll make us feel better.
Wicked wicked anger, making a hash of things when we don’t choose to release it ourselves…
As difficult as it is, take a breath before any exchange like this. Think about how you might be able to phrase your request differently.
Is this truly about them and their messy room or is it about you?
If you’re angry and you make it about them…you are projecting your anger onto their Personal Energy Field and they will get a taste. Yuck. Definitely wicked behavior.
What might happen then? One of many unsuccessful exchanges like the one above may happen. As my two daughters often say so cutely when they’ve messed up, “Epic fail”.
Children are much more open and more suggestible than adults to the direction their brains will go
That’s one of the reasons why they play so many games and have wild imaginations (and love The Wiggles and Dora the Explorer etc. etc.). Although personally I draw the line at Barbie.
So, next time you’re in this situation, take a breath. Think about the energy you are bringing into their room. (This post I wrote for OMTimes might give you a little more food for thought also).
Ask THEM why they haven’t cleaned up their room yet. You may just get reasons and excuses, or you may find out more information that you were not privy to…E.g. “Well I’m frustrated about this math equation”.
Oh. Now that puts a whole different spin on it. Take another breath and help them out. You just scored a point for generating positive energy on the planet.
Do you have a situation you’d like to share for Wicked Wednesday or a question or circumstance you would like me to answer questions about in a blog post?
Feel free to contact me.
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